Suffocating
by The Little Monster 1024
Summary: Castle and Beckett are strong. Their relationship is stronger. They can take down ruthless serial killers and save the fate of the country, but there are some fights, that even they can't win.
1. Chapter 1

**Suffocating**

**Chapter One**

**AN: For my friend Ellie (rainbow-dango). We roleplayed this fic out, so she gets author's credit. :) Ellie really likes medical fics, so I did my best.**

* * *

The smell of Chinese food filled his nose as he stood in the elevator. He left Kate at the loft to pick out a movie. Hopefully she'd steer clear of 'Valentine's Day'.  
He couldn't help the stupid smile that was plastered on his face. They'd been together for almost ten months now and it just got better and better. They've gotten so much stronger. Their relationship had been tested so many times in just the past ten months.

Yeah, ten months seems like a long time, but it really isn't. Ten months is nothing compared to the four years he's waited for her, and now, he didn't want to ever let her go. And he wasn't.

After only ten months he knew. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Hell, he knew that after the first week. He knew it was too soon, he knew she would say that too, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't help thinking of Kate being led down the aisle on Jim's arm, or her rocking their new born baby to sleep, or even growing old with him.

When did he become such a sap?

He smiled a little to himself and stepped out of the elevator. He unlocked the door and pushed it open. He looked around and didn't see her.

"Kate?"

"Over here." Her voice came from the kitchen.

He walked into the kitchen to find her on her back on the floor.  
"I can't get up."

He sat the food aside and kneeled down next to her. "Did you fall?"

She nodded.

He moved to help her to her feet but the moment he did her knees started to buckle and she collapsed.  
He caught her this time and held her up.

"I...I can't stand."

He looked into her scared eyes and then down at her shakey legs. "Maybe I should...take you to the hospital."

She surprised him by nodding and agreeing.

"Do you need me to carry you?"

She hesitated and then nodded. Her cheeks were a little red with embarrassment.

He lifted her into his arms and kissed her temple gently, something she might've rolled her eyes at any other time. "Don't be embarrassed; its just me."

She nodded a little and wrapped an arm around his neck. He carried her downstairs and hailed a taxi. He wanted to be able to sit with her, to make sure she was okay.  
He climbed inside with her still in his arms. She sat next to him with her legs thrown across his lap. In the back of his mind, they both knew it wasn't safe but neither cared. She laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. She felt his hand rubbing gentle circles on her back. It almost put her to sleep.

They were quiet, neither having anything to say. She started coughing, then. Castle looked down at her. "Oh...Kate..."

She looked down at the small pool of blood on his shirt that she had coughed up, and then back at him. "What the hell is going on?"

"I don't know." He said quietly.

She held his gaze for a second before she coughed again, more violent than the first time. Blood poured from her mouth onto his shirt and down her chin. She looked up at him and he swore he'd never seen her look so scared.  
He lifted his sleeve and wiped the blood from her chin. She closed her eyes and laid her head back down on his shoulder. He held her a little tighter for the rest of the car ride.

When they got to the hospital, he tossed a handful of money to the cabbie, way more than he owed for sure.  
He carried her inside, she seemed so much weaker. She was heavy against him. He rushed inside and nurses quickly swarmed around. They shouted questions and he gave answers. The next thing he knew, his arms were empty and she was being wheeled through double doors and out of his sight.

* * *

The sounds of the waiting room were driving him crazy. From the sounds of babies crying to beeping and cell phones ringing, he thought his head would explode.  
He paced the floor for what seemed like hours until the doctor walked out. Castle rushed over.

"Is she okay?"

The doctor hesitated. " Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't be allowed to tell you, but she insisted."

"What's going on?"

The doctor hesitated again. " She has small cell lung cancer that has metastasized to her brain."

Time stopped and he couldn't breathe. "W-What? Cancer?"

"Yes. I'm very sorry."

Castle still could barely breathe. "Is...is...can you treat it? Can she...will she be okay?"

The doctor shook his head. "The cancer and metastasis has advanced so far that there aren't any options for treatment."

No. No. "So it's terminal..."

The doctor nodded. "I'm very sorry."

Castle took a shakey breath and then asked the doctor where she was. He led him to her room.

When he stepped inside, she was sitting there, deep in thought. He walked over to the bed and she looked at him.

"You heard?" It was barely a whisper.

He nodded.

"I'm sorry."

He looked up at her. "You're sorry?"

"For getting cancer."

"It's not your fault, Kate." He took her hand.

"I'm still sorry. Because you'll have to suffer for the rest of your life, while I'll only get a few months of pain. Sounds really unfair to me." Her voice betrayed her, breaking as she spoke.

"Don't be sorry."

She looked down and a few tears escaped.

He pulled her into a gentle hug, which she returned with force. He tightened his hold on her and she buried her face in his neck.

"I love you." She whispered.

"I love you, too."

* * *

**Review?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Suffocating **

**Chater Two**

**AN: This chapter is shorter. The rest won't be this short. I promie. :)**

* * *

One month. That was all she had left of her job. One month to catch the bad guys. To bring justice to the people of her city. How many cases could she solve in a month?  
Esposito brought her from her thoughts.

"Yo, Beckett. Daniels is in the box."

She nodded. "Come on, Castle."

They both stood and walked into interrogation room one. For some reason, she felt some of the weight lift from her shoulders. In here, she was still Detective Beckett; the one who can reduce a serial killer to a weeping little boy, not Kate Beckett, cancer patient with only a few months to live.

"Hello, Mr. Daniels." She said, sitting down across from him. Castle slid into the seat next to her, folding his hands on the table.

"Mr. Daniels, do you know who this is?" Kate said, sliding the picture of the young woman across the table.

The man took the picture. "Yeah, yeah. This is Jamie."

"How did you know her?" Castle asked.

Daniels shrugged. "Just a coworker."

"Uh huh." Kate said. "Do 'just coworkers' typically sleep together?"

Castle held back the little smirk. The irony she must not have noticed when she said it.

His attention was brought back when she grabbed at his clasped hands tightly. He looked at her and she looked terrified. "Kate?"

"I can't see." It was barely a whisper.

Castle turned away from the suspect and looked at her. "What?"

"I can't see...Castle, I can't see!" She said loudly.

"Anything? You can't see anything?"

"No." God, he'd never seen her so scared.

Castle stood and took her hands. "Let's go sit down. Okay?"

She nodded quickly and stood. Castle helped her to the door. He looked over his shoulder at Daniels who looked confused. He looked back at Kate and then helped her out of the door. She was tripped over her heels.

"Be careful, Kate."

He led her into the breakroom and sat her down on the couch. She clutched his hand tightly.

"I...I think its time I resign." She said quietly.

"Yeah." He said, just as quietly

She sighed a little and he let go of her hand so she could run her hand through her hair.

After a second, she looks up kind of frantically and then reaches in his general direction. "Where are you?"

"Right here." He said, taking her hand. "I'm right here."

She moved her hands up his arms slowly until she could wrap them around his neck and pull him into a hug. His arms were around her quickly, squeezing her tightly. She  
sighed into his embrace.

"This is really it, isn't it?" She whispered against his neck.

"Yeah." He whispered too.

* * *

A few minutes later, Castle led Kate into Gates' office as she clutched his hand tightly.

Gates looked up from her desk. Sympathy in her eyes. She knew. They all did. "Detective Beckett?"

"Sir," She said, looking in the direction of where she heard Gates' voice. "I need to resign."

Gates pulled her glasses off and sat them down. "I thought you were staying for a few more weeks."

"I," She took a deep breath. "I can't see."

"You can't see?"

"Yes."

"Oh." Gates paused and her eyes shifted over to Castle and then back at Kate. "Okay."

"Castle...can you put my badge and my gun on her desk?"

Castle nodded and did as she asked.

Gates looked at her lead detective sadly. "You're a good cop, Kate. A good person. I'm glad I had you on my team."

"Thank you, sir"

Later, Castle and Beckett are curled up together on his couch. She's cuddled up against his chest in a way she never would've before. Before she got cancer. Before the beginning of the end of her life.

He's rubbing her back so gently and comforting that she can't help the small smiles that tugs at her lips. When he drops a kiss to her hair she opens her eyes. And this time...this time she can see.

"Castle..."

"Yeah?"

"I...I can see."

He smiled and moved a little so he can see her. "You can?"

She smiled brightly. "Y-Yeah..." she hugged him tightly. "I can see."

* * *

**What'd you think?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Suffocating**

**Chapter Three**

**AN: Thanks for the feedback! :) **

* * *

A few days later, they were lounging on his couch. That's all they really did anymore. Cancer is exhausting.

Her favorite thing to do as of late was to lay with her head in his lap. He ran his fingers through her hair gently. It was comforting and it helped. When she got to thinking about everything and she became overwhelmed, he could easily bring her back. With just a soothing hand or a gentle kiss to her temple, it was like she wasn't dying. Of course, that only lasted a moment.

He sat quietly, trying to burn this moment into his memory. He'd have to. He'd cherish every last moment they had together. He couldn't believe he was losing her.  
Jesus...he was going to lose her. In four months she would be gone. In four months his detective, his muse, his...his girlfriend would be gone. What was he going to do?

"We should do something. We should go somewhere."

He looked down at her, he'd thought she'd fallen asleep. "Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know..." She said, looking up at him through her lashes. "But we could go anywhere, Castle. Anywhere we want."

He rubbed her arm a little. "Yeah, we can. Anywhere you want to go, I'll take you."

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and he smiled at her a little.

"Someplace warm?" She suggested. "Somewhere we could lay on the beach?"

"The Hamptons?"

She shook her head a little. "Too cold."

Castle nodded a little and searched his mind for ideas. Where could he take her? Someplace special that she'd love.

"What about the Florida Keys? Key West? When I was 16 me and two of my cousins went down there. It was amazing." She asked, bringing him from his thoughts.

"Sounds great."

She smiled brightly up at him.

"How soon do you want to leave?" He asked.

"As soon as possible."

He nodded and reached over her to type in his laptop. She closed her eyes to the familiar sound of his fingers typing away on his keyboard.  
He searched through the flight listings for a few minutes before sitting back. "Two tickets for tomorrow. The flight leaves at 2:30."

"That's awesome." She said, smiling excitedly.

He couldn't help but smile back.

* * *

A few days later found them sitting on the beach. Castle sat back against his beach chair in his sunglasses and swim trunks. Kate laid content against his bare chest, watching the waves.

He ignored the looks they, well she, got when people walked by. Eyes lingering way too long on her bikini-clad body. He felt even more protective of her now.

He looked down and saw her squeezing her eyes shut behind her sunglasses. "Headache?" He whispered against her hair.

She nodded a little. "Pretty bad."

"Want to go back to our room?"

"No, no. I'm good."

He nodded a little too, even though he knew she wasn't looking. "Let me know if you need to."

She nodded and turned so that they were chest to chest. She pressed close to him and snuggled against his chest. She yawned. "Can you...can you throw a towel over me?"

He nodded and laid the blanket over her.

As she drifted off to sleep, a gust of wind blew by and she instinctively brought her legs up to her chest, tangling the towel. He gathered her up against his chest and fixed the towel. She hummed in contentment when he kissed her temple.

The sunset was beautiful. Something famous about the place and Castle agreed. It was breathtaking. He stood and watched it, holding her from behind with his arms around her waist. She rested back against his chest and stared out at the sunset.

She pulled him into a kiss and then they stood there. Standing together on the beach, it wasn't so scary.

On their way back to the hotel, she got too tired and he had to carry her. She was always so tired.

* * *

She loved the feeling of sand in her toes. She and Castle were sitting in the sand together, people watching and admiring the waves. She smiled and turned to look at him. She opened her mouth to say something but she just kept fumbling over words.

She couldn't talk.

"Kate..."

She looked at Castle, scared.

"It's okay. It's just a symptom. We read about this, remember?" He said gently, trying to calm her fears. "It'll go away, just like the blindness.

She nodded and scooted closer, taking his hand. She laid against him until she fell asleep waiting to regain her voice.

She laughed loudly at him. "That is the worst sand castle I have ever seen!"

He slopped some more wet sand on the top and looked at it. "You're not being a very supportive girlfriend." He joked.

She rolled her eyes and smiled.

He smiled back.

"I'll help you." She said, getting more sand.

He grinned and just as he started back at the castle, she coughed. Blood landed on the sand.

"Kate..."

She coughed again and this time she couldn't stop. Blood poured from her mouth. She looked at him, fear shining bright in her eyes.

"I...I'll take you to the hospital."

"No..." She said, a few tears escaping.

He reached over and rubbed her arm. She looked up at him. Blood was running down her chin, falling to her chest. He didn't know what to say. She hesitated and then reached for him. Oh, god she looked just like a little kid.

He reached and picked her up, her feet destroying the castle in the process. He gathered her up in his arms and cradled her to his chest. She started sobbing, terrified.  
She couldn't stop crying. She burried her face in his neck and cried. Cried for the fact she was coughing blood. For the fact that she was dying. For everything.

Castle held her close and ignored the stares. He kissed her hair and whispered in her ear. He looked down at the broken castle. As cheesy as it sounds, that would be him soon.

**A broken castle.**

* * *

**What'd you think?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Suffocating **

**Chapter Four**

**AN: This is the longest chapter! :)**

* * *

She didn't cough blood for the rest of their time in Key West.

They decided to go home a few days later. They sat on the plane, first class, he had insisted. She had her eyes closed and het head was back, resting. He watched her for a few minutes and then closed his eyes too.

A few minutes later, she startes coughing. His eyes instantly snapped open and looked at her. She had blood running down her chin and tears in her eyes.

He sat up quickly and wiped it away with his jacket sleeve. "It's okay." He whispered.

She nodded a little and brought her hand up to hold onto his arm.

She squeezed her eyes closed and continued to cough, dripping blood on the floor.

The flight attendant walk, a young, short pretty blonde, walked over to them. "Is everything okay over here?" Clearly it wasn't.

"Yeah...yeah, fine." He said, not even looking at her. He focused on Kate.

Her eyes wandered over Kate and then the small pool of blood. "Are you sure, sir?"

Kate kept coughing. He wiped it away the best he could. "Yeah."

Kate coughed again, and a few tears escaped. Castle kissed her temple and rubbed her back.

It took a few minutes after that, but the coughing stopped. Kate opened her eyes and looked at the flight attendant with blood still falling from her mouth. "I...I'm good."

The flight attendant hesitated and then nodded. She walked away, glancing at then over her shoulder.

Kate closed her eyes and rested her head on Castle's shoulder. He wiped the blood away and Kate drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Over the next few weeks, she got weaker and weaker right in front of Castle's eyes.

The doctor prescribed decadron for the brain swelling. With that, came even more symptoms, as if cancer didn't have enough. Added on to the intense headache, exhaustion, temporary vision and sight loss, they added skin rashes and bruises to the mix.

He first noticed the bruises after they had showered and they were getting ready for bed. As she was putting her shirt on, he noticed the bruises going up her spine. He'd asked her about them. She said they didn't hurt and that she couldn't feel them, but her winces and small hisses of pain told him differently.  
Moments like that made the whole thing so much more real.

* * *

It was raining on the day they found out she couldn't walk anymore.

She had collapsed when she tried to get out of bed. He helped her to her feet. She collapsed again, this time he caught her.

"It hurts, Castle. My legs hurt." She'd told him.

She agreed to go to the hospital the first time he asked. That scared him.

He carried her outside and they climbed in a cab. They were quiet the whole time. When they took her back, he went to the waiting room. It was empty this time. The silence was worse than the noise. He paced. He sat. He bit his nails. Hell, he even tried to get into the storyline of the shitty daytime soap opera. Nothing worked. He couldn't relax.

He was like this until the doctor approached him. "She can no longer walk."

He didn't know what he'd been expecting, but it wasn't that.

"The bones of her hips have, essentially, collapsed."

After a few more questions, he went back to her. When he walked into the room, she wasn't crying but there were tears. He went over and took her hand. She looked up at him and then pulled on his hand, trying to hug him. He wrapped her in a tight hug. He broke down right there in his arms, the only place she felt safe enough to.

"I...I...love you.." She whispered.

"I love you, too."

A few nights later, he woke up to her screaming.

"Kate?!"

She just kept screaming.

"Kate?"

Screaming.

"Kate, love, what's wrong?" He asked, worried.

"My...my...head." She said, hoarsly, sitting up just a little.

"Okay," he said. "Okay, let's go to the hospital."

" No . . . no . . . please don't make me get up . . . it . . . it hurts . . ." She begged, with tears in her eyes.

Castle hesitated and then nodded. "What...maybe a...a hot rag or something..." He paused. "What can I do to help?"

She looked at him, scared and hurting. She made a little whimpering noise that broke his heart a little, before her head fell into his lap. She squeezed her eyes shut and dug her nails into his leg. She was in so much pain.

He ran a hand through her hair gently.

"It hurts..." She whimpered.

" I'm so sorry, love. What do you think will help? What can I do?"

"Maybe...a bath?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'll go run you a bath." He very, very gently lifted her head from her lap and laid her on the pillow. She closed her eyes and he stood and walked into the bathroom.

He made sure the water was hot, just like she liked it, and added some soothing bath salts.

Once the tub was filled, he went back into the room. "Kate?" He asked, making sure she was awake.

She opened her eyes and looked at him.

"I'm going to undress you, okay?"

She nodded a little.

He slowly undressed her, careful not to move her too much. Once he'd removed her pajamas and underwear, he lifted her into his arms.

She winced and he kissed her temple. "Sorry."

He gently sat her in the tub. She looked up at him through her lashes. "Get in with me." She said quietly, almost a whisper.

He slipped out of his clothes and climbed in behind her. She moved back against him. She rested her head on his chest and fell asleep.

* * *

She had another headache a few days later. This one, however, was worse.

Castle was lying on the couch and she was almost on top of him, curled so close to him. She's gotten so weak and tired. All they do is lay around. She sleeps a lot, and  
spends most of her time curled up against Castle like this.

He rubs her back and she curls up a little closer.

"Everything okay?"

"Hurts..."

"Do you need me to take you to the hospital?"

She shook her head and buried her face in his chest. She hated the hospital.

"Okay, I won't take you."

She didn't look up. "My head." She mumbled against his chest.

He rubbed her back. "Your head hurts?"

Her head popped up quickly and she gave him that look. That look you have when you know you're going to throw up.

He grabbed the little trashcan for her. Always prepared.

She grabbed it and vomited. He sat up a little and held her hair back, rubbing her back with his other hand.

When she's done, she sat back and just cried. He hugged her gently. She clung to him tightly. "It hurts..."

"I'm so sorry."

He held her while she cried.

They stayed like that for a few minutes before he spoke. "Maybe a bath?" He suggested, remembering the success from a few nights ago.

She nodded through the tears.

He undressed her there on the couch and then carried her into the bathroom. He somehow managed to run her a bath while still holding her.

She continued to cry. He tried to calm her down but nothing was helping. She sobbed until she passed out in the tub.

He scooped her up from the tub and dried her off. He laid her in bed, not bothering to dress her. He pulled the blanket up around her and then sat in bed next to her.

He heard her voice a few hours later. "C-Castle?"

He slipped under the covers next to her. She scooted closer and curled up against him. "Only hurts a little."

"Good. Good. Try to get some more sleep. It's still early. Maybe when you wake up you'll feel better. " he said, kissing her hair.

She closed her eyes and he thought she was asleep until she spoke again a few minutes later. "Castle?"

"Yeah?" He said, rubbing her back.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For being so much trouble."

"You're not trouble." He said, gently.

"Yes, I am."

"Kate," he said. "You aren't."

" You . . . you don't have to take care of me, you know. I can . . . leave, if you want me to." Her voice broke as she spoke.

"I don't want you to leave."

They were quiet for a moment.

"I love you, Kate."

A few of her tears escaped. "That doesn't mean you have to stay."

"I know, but I want to stay."

She nodded. "I'm glad you're here."

"I'm glad to be here." He responded.

She let out a shakey breath and he kissed her hair.

"Please don't leave." She whispered against his chest.

He held her closer. "I won't, Kate. I won't."

* * *

**Hmm?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Suffocating**

**Chapter Five**

**AN: Last chapter!**

**Guys, I'm 178% sure you're ALL going to hate me. This isn't a happy ending at _all_. I rp'd this story with my friend Ellie and she came up with most of this. Blame her. :P**

* * *

"It hurts, Castle." She moaned into his chest. "Everything hurts."

"I'm so sorry, Kate." What else could he say?

She sighed against him.

"What can I do to help?" He asked. He'd do anything.

"I don't know." She whispered, defeated. Quiet. Broken.

He held her close and rubbed her back.

"I just wish it would all end." She murmured.

He couldn't. He could never wish that. "I wish you weren't in so much pain."

She nodded. "Agreed."

He closed his eyes and tried to burn the feel of her small frame against him into his mind, because he knew that he couldn't have his wish without her getting hers too.

* * *

He needed to go get stuff from the grocery. He'd been reluctant to leave but she assured him with a gentle kiss that she'd be fine. He promised he'd be back soon.  
And he was. He was gone for about thirty minutes. He must've looked ridiculous in the middle of the grocery, pushing past old ladies and almost running over children. He didn't care. All he cared about was getting back to her.

He walked into the quiet loft. She must've still been in bed. He didn't see her or her wheelchair anywhere in the living room.

He walked into the kitchen and sat the bag of groceries on the counter. He spotted a piece of paper.

He picked up and noticed her slightly messy writing. His breath hitched.

_'Dear Castle, I'm so, so sorry. I love you so much. So much. I really wish I could think of something better to say, but I'm not the writer. Just be okay, okay? I love you. Bye, Kate.'_

Kate.

He knocked the groceries to the ground when he spun around, eggs broke and a pool a milk surrounded his feet.

"Kate?!"

Nothing.

He rushed into the bedroom where he'd left her. When he saw her, he froze in the doorway. God, she looked dead.

She was lying in bed, a bottle of pills in her pale, boney hand. How she got them, he didn't know. What they were, that was a mystery too.

"Kate..." His voice broke.

Her eyes opened and she looked at him. He took a hesitant step forward.

"I'm sorry...I...I...just..." She stumbled over her words, tears rushing to her eyes. She'd hoped to be dead before he got back.

"Don't..." He whispered, begging with her.

"S'too late."

'Kate..." A quiet plea, hoping that she was lying.

She squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm so sorry."

He stepped closer and grabbed her hand, tears burning in his eyes. She opened her eyes and looked at him.

"I love you." She said to him. She knew it wasn't enough, that it wouldn't make it okay.

'I...I love you, too."

She dropped his hand and opened her arms for him. He didn't hesitate. He climbed onto the bed next to her gently lifted her into his lap. She was so light.

He cradled her against him, almost.

"This...this is what you want?" He whispered against her hair.

She was quiet for a moment and then "It just hurts too much."

God, she sounded so broken and defeated. They'd finally found a fight they couldn't beat. She was broken. Not by a serial killer or by throwing herself into her mother's case  
like anyone would expect. Kate Beckett had been torn to pieces by cancer. By her own body.

He held her close to him.

"I'm sorry." She said again.

He kissed her hair. "I don't want you to be in pain."

"I...I'm glad you understand." Her voice broke.

A few tears escaped and she reached up to weakly wipe them away. "Don't cry." She whispered.

"Sorry." But, oh he wasn't. She was dying, right there in his arms.

"This isn't the end, okay?" She said, staring into his eyes. "This can't be. Heaven or whatever, this isn't the end."

He held her closer. "I didn't expect you to believe in stuff like that." He couldn't. This was the same woman who didn't believe in fairytales. In fate. Santa Claus.

"I didn't." She breathed. "But in times like this, its scary not to."

Surprising him until the end. "So, I guess...this is...until tomorrow?"

A small smile grew on her face. "Until tomorrow." It was barely a whisper.

She died in his arms ten minutes later, that small smile still on her face.

She'd never get to tell him how thankful she was. That he made her smile, even when she was dying.

* * *

He buried her four days later. The day was bright and sunny, almost mocking him.

So many people came to pay their respect.

Not even he'd realized how many lives she'd touched.

He spoke about her. Gave the eulogy. When he was finished, there wasn't a dry eye in the whole cemetery. Even Gates cried.

People lined up to shake his hand and then Jim's offering their condolences. They were sorry for his life. Detective Beckett was a good person, she didn't deserve to die. He agreed. She didn't.

Jim had Castle stand with him and they both received her flag.

They both cried.

* * *

_'To Kate Beckett, my muse, partner, and my always. Until tomorrow.'_

Jim closed the last Nikki Heat book. _'Eternal Heat'_. He sat it on her grave and patted the cold rock.

"It's a good one, Katie." He whispered.

He waited a moment, pictured his baby girl biting her lip to hide the excitment as she picked up the book. She'd read the whole thing in one night, he knew she would.

Then, he turned and walked across the darkening cemetery to leave flowers for his wife. He stayed well until it was dark. He hadn't done that since before he'd gotten sober.

He couldn't bring himself to leave. Not until raindrops started to fall. He kissed the cold stone and left his girls.

He hoped, wherever they were, they were keeping each other company.

* * *

**So? What did you think?**

**Also, apparently there are Castle fanfiction awards? Anyway, my friend, Ellie's, fic _Into the Dark_ is nominated for best angst. If you enjoyed this I highly suggest you check it out and then vote for it. :) **

**(Into the Dark by: rainbow-dango)**


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